07 August 2013

A Help Meet


I write this post after much prayer and consideration about whether now is the time for me to say this.  I came across the above picture on instagram one day, and it caused my spirit to leap.  I have shared with you here my journey of going through a divorce, the challenges I have faced, my time of singlehood while healing.

I have entered a new season.  A season of studying on what it means to be a good wife.  Not just a wife by name because one wears a ring and is married to her husband, but a wife that God created us to be.  The help meet He introduced to Adam in Genesis 2.  The companion that is not just along for the ride, but the one who truly makes her husband's life better.

When I saw this picture, it personified everything I've been studying about and praying for.  To be the kind of woman who, when I'm blessed with the opportunity to be a wife again, does not just go along for the ride....but is active in keeping our marriage firmly rooted in the Word so that it can bring glory to God first, and to be a true companion and help meet for my husband.  I know this love and commitment has to be active, longstanding, continuous.

Since I have been married before, I realize just how fragile marriage can be.  Because of this, I know the next time I enter into this union I will enter it under much guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It has also been the guiding force behind my dating life.  I take God at His Word when He says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing".  I carry this in my dating relationship....because if at any moment he doesn't see the value that God has already said I am, we don't need to keep going down that path.

As I pray about being the wife God wrote about when he created me in Genesis, I also had to take an honest look at the wife I was in my first marriage.  Through that I learned a lot of valuable lessons.  The way I acted and reacted to things were totally of the flesh, so now in my dating relationship I am careful to seek Him first, and trust that His ways and will is more perfect.  At this point in time, every single prayer I have prayed concerning my current dating relationship have been answered.  To some it can seem leery.  To some it can seem like I'm standing off.  For me - I'd rather ask God to advise me in the situation than confront it on my own, unless and until God says it needs to be addressed.   In all the instances where fear has tried to rear its ugly head, I have been dead wrong, which makes sense because the Word says perfect love casts out fear.  I'm also learning when you're walking in His will - the things you normally want to worry about just have no space.

I also do a tremendous amount of watching married women.  I watch how they talk about their husbands, how they honor them, how they walk with them, how they hold them up, I also notice the behaviors of things I don't want to be like.  The wife's role and charge is a great one, and so I want to be a student of it for as long as I live. 

I know the kind of wife I want to be.  I know the kind of home I want to create for our family. The safe space.  I know the care I want to practice in honoring my husband in all things.  I am completely excited about! I desire to serve my husband, to lift his load, to be his fortress, and peace at the end of the day.  I also look forward to carrying his babies! This kind of devotion can only come from a man that is submitted to Christ....which I now see so clearly.  When a man is lead by Christ and submitted to Christ, I will happily and humbly submit to him!

I know I have a lot of readers who are married.  I would love to hear about your lessons, your journey, and what you can advise this young woman who has tried it once, and the next time will be my forever!



14 comments:

  1. This is absolutely beautiful in the fact that you have not given up on love. I have also learned that through Christ I would find my life partner and I did. I also knew that to keep our relationship going and on the upward plane was to become connected as one through Christ. We are actively and diligently participating in bible study and church together and learning about each other from a spiritual perspective. So many times we enter relationships and never get to know each others souls or views on God but when you have that connection nothing can break it. I commend you for wanting to be a good Christian wife and although I'm married I'm still striving to become a true Proverbs 31 woman. We all need to strive for that but the first step is acknowledging ones faults. You are well on your way and I wish you luck and pray that you will become a wife again really soon :)

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    1. My eyes just welled with tears reading your comment. "So many times we enter relationships and never get to know each other's souls". Wow. That statement is powerful. I pray God's unmerited favor on your marriage and I pray that we continue to strive to be the women God has created us to be. Thank you so much for your blessing and for blessing me today! Hugs and love.

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  2. This speaks to me. I just celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary but ours is not your typical love story. we have an 11 yr. old AND an 18 month old. We took time apart because I didn't know what it was to be a wife (and NOT just rock the ring) nor be a mother really. Even now it's a process and one we continue to work on. We make a habit of not talking bad about each other in front of others. Gentle teasing not withstanding I don't want anyone to think it's ok to down talk my husband in front of me. We make dates with each other. We cuddle. We laugh a LOT and it's been hard. Throwing another kid into the mix was for sure a testing of our relationship but we are coming out with our heads high and spirits in tact. We know how much we love each other so we actively seek out ways to make our relationship work. Many blessings and prayers out to you. I am so impressed with your level of self awareness and what you want! I have no doubt God will provide just the right man for you when the timing is right!

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    1. Amber - thank you so much for your comment and for being transparent. That is the space I have hoped to create here. I appreciate what you shared so much because it speaks directly to the heart of what I meant by the love in a marriage needing to be active, longstanding and continuous. You are living proof of that. I am so glad to hear you all are doing the work. Glory be! I pray many many blessings on your marriage and your beautiful family. Thank you again so much for sharing. Hugs and love!

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  3. This spoke volumes to me! Thank you for sharing your insight, growth and continued journey. I know so many men and women that are planning marriages or are in marriages based on the wrong reasons and confused as to why they have so much turmoil within their relationships. My husband and I are mid-way through year seven - it hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but those storms helped us to grow individually and collectively. We're both still growing but we're committed to doing it the right way because we both believe that we're the helpmeet God made specifically for the other.

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    1. Thank you Michelle. Congratulations on year seven! I know God will continue to bless you and your husband and you continue to put Him first and honor each other. Blessings!

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  4. This post was REALLY good and I loved your honesty. As a newly married young wife (27), I agree that marriage is fragile. It's a sacred union that should not be taken lightly. My husband and I were engaged for a almost 2 years and I am so glad we took our time, went through marriage counseling, prayed together and grew stronger spiritually and like you, we also watched and examined other strong married couples (our parents, as well as a few others). We didn't enter our marriage lightly. Now being married for 7 months, I can say that while we don't know everything about marriage, we are well equipped to handle the challenges that will come our way. We're still growing and learning every day but our foundation is strong and we know with God as the center, we can make it through anything.

    I send you many blessings, love and prayers! The man God has for you will come and when he does, you will be ready! XO and thanks for sharing!

    ~Whitney

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    1. Thanks so much Whitney! Congratulations on your marriage! I love that you all understood the importance of taking your time, getting wise counsel, and building that foundation first. Many many blessings to you!

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  5. What a beautiful post!
    I wasn't going to comment because this post is filled with your faith and I'm a non-believer but I'll give you my comments anyway.

    I think any relationship is sacred. Marriage, motherhood, friendship and so we must do it with an open heart and most importantly loyalty. I was with my daughter's father for 8 years, engaged but never married and I just didn't know what I was doing there. I mean, I know I was completely in love but didn't know anything else. I thought marriage was the thing to do ff you had kids and loved the person but sometimes loving someone doesn't mean they are right for you!

    I spent the next 7 being alone and learning about myself and what I wanted in a relationship much like you...but i never wanted marriage. I just didn't feel like it was for me. Actually, I wanted to be single the rest of my life - just my daughter and i traveling the world together on summers and things like that. But things happened...I met a guy and married him 2 years later...I didn't want to accept that I had fallen in love and was looking to be a wife...(this time for real) but since i knew the relationship I wanted, I let it go! I've been happy with him for almost 6 years and I hope that this is FOREVER!! Since we can never really know.

    I hope that this time brings you strength and don't be ashamed to mourn and don't be ashamed to be alone ....! That was my lesson through it all. I didn't have to explain to people why I was mourning him and when they asked or questioned, I'd say, I spent 8 years loving him, its going to take me more than 3 months to get over that! They never bothered me again. I was patient with myself and took my time with me...to find me..

    sorry for the long post!

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    www.kgstyleinc.com

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    1. I am SO glad you did comment. While my faith is the center of my journey, we all share this walk together, so I'm so glad you felt comfortable still sharing this space with me. I agree with you completely. I spent 3 years after our separation enjoying my singleness (meaning not dating), restoring my spirit, and building a strong bond with my son. I prayed for God to keep me hidden.

      I'm so glad you found contentment first which no doubt prepared you for your marriage now! What a beautiful story you have. Many many blessings to you!

      Looking forward to staying connected,

      N

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  6. You hit the nail with the hammer when you said that marriage is fragile. As a mother and wife and everything else.....it can be a challenge and a balancing act to juggle it all. But once you've determined what the end result is (other than love) for your union it becomes pretty easy to fight for that everlasting bond that garners security, love and happiness. I think what's important in a marriage is that both parties understand who they are as an individual before hand. Then determine who they want to be as one moving forward. Once you have that understanding of self; it becomes easy to master the act of compromise. Yes compromise. It is the most important aspect of a union in my opinion. I loved your honesty here...it was heart felt. Stay strong and don't give up on love....it is the single most greatest joy to love and to be loved. Best wishes on your pursuit of love and happiness...I think we are all riding along with you hun.
    xoxo...Natasha B

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    1. Thank you so much Natasha! I love gleaning from those who are walking it and learning from them. You just spoke so much wisdom into my space. I am grateful for you! Many blessings to you!

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  7. I am going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage. Your post hit close to home. Being a Christian, I didn't want to give up, but he started another family, so I feel as though I have no choice and I am biblically justified. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to give my heart again. I'm happy for you that you can....

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    1. My heart reaches for you right now. I can say from first hand experience God does heal and restore. He will give you beauty for ashes. Joy for your sorrow. Rest in His perfect love. When it is time, your heart will open beautifully and you will have a love like you've never imagined. God bless you and many hugs. ~N~

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